I’ve wanted to learn how to make a Grapevine wreath for a gazillion years, but for some reason, suspected it would be an intensive process that required years of foraging knowledge, a hiking expedition up Everest, a chainsaw, full body armour, and a baby pool.
Oddly, none of those things are necessary.
How I Made My First Wreath
As it turns out, all you actually need is large, strapping farmboy, a tree trimmer, and a few expletives. I’m not sure how the above-mentioned correlates exactly to grapevines, but that’s how I acquired mine.
I saw Farmboy trimming trees near our grapes the other day, and he got the trimmer stuck in a tree. Then he said, “@#*!”. Â
I went inside and when I came back out there was grapevine in the yard which he had saved for me to learn how to “make a Grapevine wreath”. It might have been sorcery. I’m not sure. But it’s certainly the easiest way to get materials.
If you don’t have a large, strapping farmboy of your own, first, I’m sorry. Second, you should really get one. They’re terribly nice to look at…especially when they’re shirtless, muscles flexing, wielding a large saw, just a little bit sweaty…..
They’re elusive, but if found, relatively easy to secure. Locate one in a field, bring him a jug of sweet tea and some food (they’re suckers for food), and tell him you like his tractor. Yours forever, he is!
But, if you haven’t found a farmboy yet, don’t worry. You can do it yourself.
First things first, you’re going to need to know what you’re looking for.
How to Identify a Wild Grapevine
Grapevines in the wild, being viney and lacking a man-made trellis, like to grow up trees. Given their penchant for tree climbing, they’re most often found in the woods. Their leaves have serrated edges, are triple lobed with veins, and are generally large (about the length of a dollar bill).
The bark of a grapevine looks like an unexciting, grey/brown pinata. The vines can reach up to 50 feet in length and they have a hardy root system, making them difficult to eradicate from unwanted areas; people who don’t want grapevines often refer to them as weeds because of this.
The fruit of a wild grapevine looks like…drumroll…
A grape.
A fruit of generally a smaller size than you’d normally purchase in the store, but a grape nonetheless.
Identifying Other Things That Look Like Grapevine
It’s important to know that grapevine copycats exist, some of which are poisonous.
You may have been just dying to learn how to make a grapevine wreath, so don’t go around just picking random wild berries that look a bit grapey willy-nilly and then croak.
The Pretenders
Canadian Moonseed
Canadian Moonseed can be confused with grapevine, but there are definitive differences. It’s important to note that all parts of the plant are poisonous and can be fatal.
Identification:
- Has 3-7 lobes per leaf
- Edges of leaves are NOT serrated (grapevine leaves are serrated)
- The Canadian Moonseed does not have tendrils
- Fruit resembles a grape, but has a moon shaped seed.
Virginia Creeper
Virginia Creeper, aka False Grape, is a bit more obviously different than a grapevine than is the Canadian Moonseed. Despite it’s sometime use medicinally, it can also be considered poisonous to children so proceed with caution. The oxalate crystals in the sap of Virginia Creeper can cause rashes and other skin irritations.
- Clusters of five leaflets (not lobed)
- Edges of leaves are serrated
- Does not have tendrils
- Bluish-black berries have 2-3 seeds
- Patchy, not shredded bark on mature vines
Porcelain Berry
The Porcelain Berry is related to grapevine so it’s easy to confuse the two. There seems to be quite a bit of debate as to whether or not the berries are poisonous. According to the North Carolina State Extension, they are of low toxicity. I’d air on the side of caution and find something else to eat.
The Porcelain Berry plant is incredibly invasive making it a problematic competitor with native plants. Meaning, don’t plant it; like a succubus, it’s beautiful, but eeeevil!
- Triple lobed leaves, similar to grapevine leaves
- Funky, often spotted robin’s egg blue and purple berries
- Has tendrils
Sorry, Did I Scare Ya?
All this talk of poisonous pretenders & succubi might have scared you. Don’t be scared, just be cautious.
Or…
If you’d prefer not to go traipsing through the woods, you can locate cultivated varieties of grapevines in your neighbor’s yard.
Or the local winery. Of the two, I would opt for the neighbor’s yard.
You’ll probably get distracted by all the wine samples at the winery, end up a hot hammered mess, mascara running, crying alone in a field over your non-existent hot, sweaty farmboy.
Now to the guts of…
How To Make A Grapevine Wreath
Now that you’ve successfully identified a grapevine, you’re going to cut the vine off, preferably at a shoot so it can keep growing and you can make more wreaths next year.
Next, eat all the grapes. Or make them into jelly. Or wine.
Strip the large leaves, but not the tendrils because they’re freakin’ adorable.
Wrap and wrap your grapevine in a circle and twist around and wrap and twist some more.
Lay it flat in a cool, dry place for a few days until it’s brown.
Tie a piece of twine around the top as a hanger, and decorate your wreath to your heart’s content.
And that’s how you make a grapevine wreath.
Farmboy optional.
